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What's the clever part?" The problem we want to fix is his inability to drink at the necessary rate, right? We need to stop all that unecessary coughing and spluttering. His throat should just be a tube under your control." Yes, that's exactly it.'"OK. So mounted in the tube in the mouth gag are two sensors, one to detect the presence of liquid and one to measure the liquid flow rate. Once someone pisses into the bowl the control box detects it and measures both the volume of liquid and the time it takes to completely drain into his mouth. If he drinks as fast as the liquid enters his mouth then nothing happens. But if he stops swallowing or blocks it with his tongue then it'll back up the flow and cause it to take longer than it should. If that happens then for every second over the calculated target time he gets 1 minute of random shocks to the cock and balls. And there's a display here that shows both total volume of liquid and the number of seconds he's exceeded the target time". During his time at the Gym, Shamus was a big fan of the weights – we weren’t. So, after suffering one lift too many, we pulled something in his back. Even now, 5 months later, all the Physios and Doctors are bemused as to what happened – but we know. We managed to put him in so much agony, he wasn’t able to move for a fortnight! What a holiday that was. 14 days of horizontal action. 14 days of comfort food. 14 days which meant no work for him, and peace for us. Obviously the weight piled back on, but we didn’t mind: if he wanted to try get back in the gym, we’d simply do the same again. If it worked once, it’ll work twice… So beware, fitness is definitely not good for you! Oh, before I forget, going back to the trapped wind. You’re no doubt wondering why that happens, why we’re willing to trap enough air that you feel like you’re going to explode – in fact, it feels as though an explosion is the only way you’ll find some relief – well I’m not going to tell you. All I will say is, if.
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