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Turns me on.”“If you’re trying to improve the world, you should start with yourself. Nothing needs more help than you do.”“I could eat a whole bowl of alphabet soup, shit it out, and have something better than you just said.”“Shut up, I’m not your mirror.”“Behind every bitch there’s a man who made her that way!”“Ohh ... look who’s talking about themselves again!”“See ya and take care ... and by see ya I mean go fuck yourself and by take care I mean go fuck yourself.”“People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.”“Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.”“You’re spreading rumours about me? At least you found a hobby spreading something other than your legs.”“The fact that jellyfish survived for 650 million years with no brains is good news for stupid people like you.”“Zombies are looking for brains. Don’t worry. You’re safe.”“Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can. They could lighten up on the obstacle course however ... I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any push-ups after completing basic training.Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too ... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave or to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.Let us old guys track down those terrorists ... The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million hacked off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50 ... in menopause! You think MEN have attitudes? Ohhhhhhhh my.
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