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I began to picture his face on the endless nobodies that I was fucking my way through each day but it was a fool's errand, whenever I looked up I could see him, see the hurt in his eyes as I built to orgasm and the speed at which he left me there when I began to come." Didn't you tell each other how you felt?" How could we? We knew it couldn't make any difference. Our evening conversations became more and more awkward as we tried to find something we could talk about without falling into uncomfortable silences every five minutes. Six months later, our evening conversation sessions were cancelled. When it was finally proved conclusively that my condition was permanent, he stopped coming to my test sessions altogether." Did you ever see him again?" Of course I did. I was still a Venus employee. But it became very rare for us to see each other and it was usually by chance. He'd lost all hope that we could ever be together and it changed everything." What happened?" It was September. Since I am paranoid about protecting my own identity -- I do NOT want the tinabaker of Lush linked to my dot-edu account and academic web page -- I told him about it and suggested he had to be a lot more careful in things he mentioned. He said during the course of our chats he came to trust me and had as much to lose if he were identified as I did. And, Carl is a pretty intelligent man; it didn't take him long to figure out who I was either. Something I must have said led him to suspect -- correctly, it turns out -- that his expert and I had written some papers together. As an aside, I did talk with my friend who was one of the experts who testified at the case and she mentioned the lawyer she was working with. She said he was a totally professional and a charming southern gentleman. She offered a lament, too - it would have been unethical for them to have developed a personal relationship, and they did not. "Too bad," she added.Our chatting went on and Carl began teasing me about.
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