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Locking me in a cage and torturing me definitely put a crimp on our relationship.I don't remember her mentioning you how long were you seeing her?I had only been seeing her for a bit by the time you left. She never wanted me to go near her in class, she was always very reticent about us showing any public signs of any affection. It took a month before she'd hold my hand in public.Hmm I guess that explains it. We were both raised very conservatively. Our family comes from Little Greenvale which has a very backward view of the world. Though we didn't live there we were still expected to comport ourselves as proper ladies. I got a little sick of it, all my friends were out having fun and we were expected to just study the bible or knit or sew or some such.Sounds boring.Yeah, but I'd give anything to be back like that rather than slowly dying in a cage.I had to agree with Jessica there.So how did she get you? Jessica asked.After I changed she first rejected me, but then she offered me a. I wanted to become one withher.Then, having completed this hopeless, desperately earnest proposalof marriage, I stopped talking.What did I expect? Emily was baffled. She heard me out insilence, then spoke. "What's wrong with just being a man?" sheasked me simply. She appreciated my openness, she sympathized whenshe saw how ashamed I was yet how determined I was to tell all. But a man who feels compelled to dress up and pretend to be awoman? Incomprehensible! What in the world for? Why? I had no answers. There were no answers. "Nothing's wrong withbeing a man!" I told her. "Nothing! I like being a man. That'swhat I am. But it isn't enough. It's so ... ordinary. I lovemuch more the way I feel when I'm a woman. It's ... it feels likea delicious violation of something and yet also a rare privilege! It feels so wonderful! As if I'd become one with myself." She established quickly that no, I wasn't gay, I felt nothing forother men, I wanted no part of any, not to live.
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