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" But Reverend Mother, where shall I go? What could I do?" I have no doubt that if we put you out on the street someone would soon find you and put you to work, probably in a house of ill-repute, or perhaps working in a factory where you would be used by the men in charge as well as toiling fourteen hours a day, until you eventually end up, as do all excommunicates, in Hell for all eternity." Reverend Mother, I know I have broken my vows, and I know I have not been a good nun, but surely I don't deserve Hell's fire for eternity?" I made that very point to His Reverence myself. We felt that you should be given a chance to redeem yourself. There is a College which takes on cases such as yours, called the College of Correction and Redemption, though where you might go afterwards, neither I nor the Bishop could imagine. However, I spoke to Monsignor Flavin, the Principal of the College, and he seemed to think that somewhere could be found for you. You are not, of course, released from. .I need to hear the words"." Please Wendy please please don't make me say it, I can't Wendy, Ican't" I hear my pitiful words in my own head and my self loathingescalates to another level, what sort of husband, what sort of man amI. The answer comes immediately. I'm not. I'm neither. What sort ofhusband tortures his wife with his own shame, his own lies, his ownself delusions to avoid facing up to the truth? What sort of manpromises a woman the physical intimacy, the corporeal closeness, thetangible representation of the love, desire and need for one anotherknowing all the while he is incapable of doing so, worse, knowing thathe does really not want to? "I need to hear the words John.....enough.....no more pretending". I hear her voice, a whisperedalmost sympathetic tone that lands with the force of a wrecking balland finally breaks the fragile dam that has held back my selfdelusion. My tears flow, my words follow. ' I can't fuck you Wendy, Ijust can't. I can't get errect for you,.
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