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A few inches over 5 feet, blonde hair, pointy nose, narrow face, very pretty, no curves I could see and no way of fending for herself except maybe as a reader of epic poetry. Perhaps I could get her a job reciting poetry to retired english teachers. What would become of her? Prostitute? Porn star? Junkie? Where would she go? We were staying at a Marriott, the last night before my longish drive into the City. I was sitting at the little round table. She was in the bathroom. When she came out, I said, ‘We have to talk about what comes next.’ She drew up her shoulders. ‘Maybe you should sit with me.’ I started to speak, but she raised her hand as a stop sign. That surprised me. She’d never interrupted me before but now she’d actually raised her hand. ‘Don’t you want me?’ Have you ever been flummoxed? If you have, then you know what that word means and what it feels like. ‘You don’t belong to me.’ I thought that’s what she meant. Ownership goes with possession. ‘That’s not what I. ‘What?’ ‘No, not until you promise me you’ll grant my last request, no matter what you think or feel about it after I tell you what it is.’ ‘Ok,’ I said fighting back the tears. ‘I promise.’ Though at the moment, I’d have promised her anything regardless of what it was, just to see the light shine in her eyes again the way it had over the past three and a half decades that I’d spent with her. I saw her smile, for a moment she was twenty-six again, the age we had gotten married and began our life together. ‘Don’t live alone,’ she said weakly. ‘I’m not telling you to get married again if you don’t want to. But…promise me Jim, you won’t live alone pining away for me either. Find someone, someone to have fun with, do things with. At least that much,’ she half begged me. Of course I balked at her notion, the words forming even as I began to express them, but she held her fingers up to my lips effectively shushing me. ‘You promised,’ she said, and with that, took her very last breath and.
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