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The next few weeks, I continued to masturbate thinking of the two men. It made me conflicted because of the way I had been raised and it scared me too. Mainly of what others would think of me thinking this way. I began to see guys differently. Showering after gym class became more sexual to me. I found myself staring more and wondered if anyone saw me the same way. I also would masturbate thinking of guy classmates instead of girls. At night, I would walk down to shelter #3 and take my clothes off. I laid on my back on top of the same park bench. I'd lift my legs up and masturbate thinking of being fucked. I did this almost every night hoping to be caught and being forced to have sex. I played this scenario over and over. There were times I was almost caught by the police doing a drive through of the park. Luckily their headlights always gave it away. As the summer was ending, my friends started leaving for college. I was attending a junior college in the next town and was staying. Vicki was there when I got in to work and at luch time whenthe rest of the staff left apart from James, Vicki and myselfI ordered James out to the front of the shop and went straightback to where Vicki was drinking a cup of tea. "Well?" I said expecting her to leap in to myarms. "Well what?" She replied with such a casualshrug that my blood began to boil up inside me. She was sitting there, in the knee length navy skirt andwhite blouse that made up her uniform, acting towards mewith complete indifference like nothing had happenedbetween us. "What are you doing this evening after work?"I asked. "Oh I'm going out with this boy I've beenseeing for a little while." she said not even lookingup at me. The fucking bitch, look at her sitting there like butterwouldn't melt in her mouth. She put down her cup of tea and started to turn the page ofthe magazine she had been gazing at with such intent. I grabbedher by the arm just under her shoulder and dragged her toher feet so that she faced me..
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