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.. and write here about my secret and abysmal experiences in the last year, through which I slipped deep into the underworld of sexuality. That I ever became a part of this underworld I must probably keep secret from other people forever. Nobody would understand me. Not even my parents.In the underworld I have learned a lot about myself and my own sexuality and now I understand my sexual desire and inclinations. The downside of this is that I have been wearing "certain fetters" ever since, which prevent me from living out my sexual desire in freedom, because my whole life has changed completely within this one year...A year ago I was just 18 years old. I am 5 ft 78 inch tall and have smooth, light blonde hair that almost reaches my bottom. I am proud of my long hair, because it took many years and needed some "back-cuts" and painstaking care until they became so beautifully long and silky soft. Often I care for two braids, then I look very girlish. Or I wear my hair completely open,. Someone needing to brush his teeth. Yes, Mother,’ the reflection whispered. He managed to wash his face and brush his teeth in much the same way as a ferret manages to squeeze through a small hole in a wall, or as toothpaste as it is squeezed out of the tube: a wriggle and ooze. ‘Like my life,’ Jeremy thought, ‘More ooze than wriggle.’ Is that a telephone ringing? Jeremy placed his toothbrush and toothpaste back into the travel bag. Wasn’t there something else? Yes, there was something else. He could see the shaver watching him. In its shinny chrome, he saw his face warped as in a carnival mirror. He scratched his chin and heard the comforting clicks of his nails against the stubble. ‘I need to shave,’ he thought. Shaving seemed like rock climbing to Jeremy. It just seemed like more effort than it was worth. Hands touching rock, groping to find purchase, seeking a firm footing. There was so much area to cover and so much detail, and for what? A sense of accomplishment? ‘Rock climbing.
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