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And me? What did I want; what was I after?All I ever wanted was my Ava. But Ava had made it clear that I was not what she wanted. What she’d said, and I’d over heard at the Blue Boar that day, was her real position on things her later protestations to the contrary notwithstanding. She saw me as being in the way of her happiness and felt helpless to do anything about it.She’d done so many things to me and then made seriously strenuous efforts to rationalize her actions based on her strongly held belief that she’d never meant any of the things that she’d done were meant to hurt me; yet, all of the things she’d done had hurt me—bad.I could have, and would have, settled for Marian, and that was the deal, it would have been me settling for her. And she might have been willing to settle for me because she was physically less than she had once been too. My short comings were worse than were hers, but hers were also pretty bad. We could have made it, but not with her willingness to be bought. She never told me, and I never asked, why she was taking the night bus to Dayton. As the bus cruised along the interstate and its diesel engine droned on and on, as the Midwestern night settled down all around us, we stopped talking, and rode silently through the night. I felt sleepy, and it felt nice to be pressed against her warm body. I don’t know who started it, or how it started, but suddenly Mitsko and I were kissing. We kissed passionately, silently, exploring each other with tongue and lips and breath. I cupped her ample breast with my hand as I deeply kissed her, letting my tongue slip into her mouth, feeling her kiss me back with an intensity that matched my own. I hadn’t been touched in months, and I could feel the physical need in the hot wetness between my legs. We seemed to be all alone in the world. I felt her fumbling with the fly of my jeans. The bus was entirely dark. The only light came was reflected back from the headlights, and the dim emergency lights along the.
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