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Gently, he encircled her with his arms. ‘What’s the matter?’ he asked. ‘Why are you crying?’ ‘I…I thought I…I could do it,’ Karen sobbed. ‘But…but I…I couldn’t…I…I can’t.’ Jason was even more confused. ‘Do what?’ he asked. ‘I…I told myself that tonight I was just going to come in here and fuck your brains out,’ she murmured, shocking him with her use of the coarse word. ‘I…I hoped that somehow, maybe, I could begin to put some distance between us. To…to make you…to make you…hate me.’ ‘You could never make me hate you,’ Jason replied softly, caressing her hair. ‘No way!’ ‘I…I know,’ she replied. ‘And…and I can’t just…’ She took a deep breath. ‘I can’t do what…what I…I thought I could do. I…I can’t help myself. I…I need to make love with you.’ ‘Me, too,’ Jason replied. He rolled on his side and cuddled her against him while she sobbed. Karen’s tears caused him pains that felt like knives plunging into his heart. He didn’t want her to hurt like this, not because of him. Gently, he began. ‘Do you want to leave?’ I asked. She shook her head from side to side slowly and once again tears pours from her eyes, and again she made no effort to wipe it away. ‘Then don’t, ‘ I said. ‘But I have to go to Mussoorie,’ she said. ‘Do you want to do away with the baby?’ ‘I don’t know.’ ‘Think for a moment and say yes or no.’ ‘No’ she said, ‘but I have to.’ ‘No, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.’ I said. Even now it surprises me that we arrived at a decision on a matter of such importance with just those few words. We never, ever broached the topic again. Mithu remained, and the pregnancy continued. ‘The next nine months was pure torture, the torturers were our friends in the campus. A stream of visitors descended on our home as soon as the brigadier’s wife came to know of your mother’s pregnancy, and broadcast it. They congratulated me briefly and then brushed past me to hug and kiss Mithu and pile her with sour things to eat. The next time we went to the club the secretary.
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