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We were lying next to each other staring at the ceiling. I let my hand wander over to rest on her pussy mound and she copied me and put her hand over to my erect cock. We lay there gently stroking each other."Would you like me to go down on you?" Sarah suddenly said, a-matter-of-factly.The question flashed through my mind and I waited a few seconds before answering. Of course I'd love her to but I thought that it would look like I only went down on her to get the same back."I'd love you to but I think we should maybe get cleaned up and dressed again. We've still got over four hours until Jane comes to pick me up. Shall we have some lunch and a rest and see what we feel like doing after that?" OK. You wait here. I'll go and have a quick dip back in the bath to freshen up a bit and then you can do the same. While you're getting dressed I'll get something for lunch ready." She said sitting up, still stroking my cock."OK Sarah. That'll be great." I said stroking her back right down to. As I've told before, there was finally the right place, the right time, and then I discovered that I just couldn't go through with it. I couldn't face the possibilities of her disappointment in me. As it turns out, I never did find the courage to tell her.It all goes back to the question of maintaining "face". After having been so universally disregarded and despised, and then having had things somewhat better when I'd reached adulthood, maintaining people's regard for me became all-important. I couldn't face the possibility of going back to that place where everyone thought I was kind of strange.It took me a long time to get over that. Long time? Yeah. I came out to a few people, privately, in the late 1980's. In the early 90's I got involved with a gender program in Milwaukee, went through all the sessions and groups and testing, and finally had a firm diagnosis (which, of course, only confirmed what I'd known all along).I was married at the time, something that in hindsight was a.
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