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A guy gets cheated on, and then uses his super powers to get even? Deus ex Machina, dude. It’s too easy.”“I don’t speak French, you know that,” Sean said pompously, pulling my chain.“Yeah, you know what it means, you arsehole. The bad guy just happens to get hit by lightning or something equally unlikely – like the rain offing Stanley Tucci in the Lovely Bones after he kills Saoirse Ronan. Or more likely, the poor cheated husband or wife just turns out to be Special Forces – SAS or SEALs – but nobody knew. Or at least it wasn’t mentioned until very late in the story.”“At least that would be cool!” enthused Sean. “Like, the bad guy is about to hump the wife and the husband shoots his dick off.”“Been there. Read it. Snipers are very popular.”“Yeah, shoot the tip of the guy’s dick off from five miles away. So he wouldn’t even know what happened. It’s just ... gone.”“Exactly.”He went and got himself another beer. What can I say? My fridge was his fridge.“Okay, so no super army guys. But. One particular evening that sticks out in my mind as the most exciting started with just me. Letting myself into Tom’s apartment I sauntered towards his luxurious black leather sofa that sat on the far wall. I was hoping he would catch a glimpse of my scantily clad body, swaying from side to side as I walked across the room. I sat, legs crossed and surveyed the scene. Tom wasn’t there. Where on earth was he? He knew I was coming. This had never happened before. A little perturbed, I walked around the room, actually taking in its contents properly for the first time. Tom was an intelligent, and well travelled young man. 24 going on 44; he seemed too wise for his age. I liked that, it made me feel like I was in safe hands. Glancing at his shelves, my eyes stopped on an old, carved wooden figurine of the most beautiful woman. Her breasts were perfectly shaped and her hands were resting on her mound, as if she was trying to hide her latent sexual desires. This.
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