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It’s the same look I see staring back at me in the mirror. A mask for pain, and the shamefulness of foolishly falling in love more times than anyone has fallen for me. A hiding place for the empty feeling of laying in an open field, alone. Gazing up into the cold, starry night sky and wondering, like a child, who else I share it with.No, looking in isn’t always an easy place to go.By calculated chance I ended up next to you and we exchanged nervous banter. We played the games lovers play. Lame pickup lines and ‘What’s your sign?’ to break the awkward ice. Eventually, the stones I had piled around my heart began to roll back, and I knew you would see the scars.I smiled clumsily and offered you a shot of bourbon, to calm you, dull the edge so to speak. You swallowed it back and returned the smile. I watched it slowly fade from your lips as you leaned in heavily. We kissed. I felt the warm burn of your whiskey-laden tongue trace over my scars, like you were trying to coax them into. As usual, I closed and was up front sweeping when the phone rang. No one in the office decided it was worth answering, so I picked it up just to end the ringing. I told them, “Sorry, we’re closed,” but the caller didn’t seem to care about pizza. The cords on these phones were long enough so someone could be using them and still reach just about every part of the front end, so I held the phone in place with a shoulder and kept on sweeping. The girl just kept on rambling on about not much of anything and I was getting bored, but we had a policy where you couldn’t hang up on callers unless they started uttering profanities. I tried to say good-bye a few times, but she just wouldn’t stop and at one point, I actually started worrying she might be suicidal. The phone conversation had turned from me worrying she might do something to harm herself to realizing she was looking for a hookup. At that point, I was finishing up mopping the front end and paid a bit more attention to what she was.
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