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I decided then and there, I wanted to know WHY! So when I was asked what topic I would like to cover, I said 'crossdressing and why I do it'.Probably one of the hardest things I ever did. The only response was 'Okay! Let's get started!'After many hours and lots of self-introspection and yes, peeling things away 'like an onion'; I came face to face with the 'WHY'. (Insert dramatic music here) (Hey! Lady! Don't go in there! Can't you hear the music?) When you get to that point in looking at your own life, you really want to get it over with. It is a long hard road and you become very weary travelling it. Yet, it is scary to think that what comes next, altered your life so-o-o dramatically!For me the big bad WHY was established at the age of six. It was also in the language and emotional context of a six-year-old, scared, very upset, little boy. My paternal father had abandoned our family when I was six. He had run off with the lady downstairs, who left two little girls with their. When Jackie first mentioned the idea of having a contest to boost membership where a fan could take her out for the evening, I said "Great!" But, inside, I was laughing my ass off at the thought of some poor geek trying to keep up with her, struggling not to be overpowered by her beauty and charm. Then, when I saw her get dressed for the evening wearing a short red dress without any underwear on, I thought, "That poor sucker. He'll get so excited that he'll be jacking off first thing in the john at the club."Those perceptions all ended when he came to pick her up. Since I never monitor her e-mail with her fans, I had no idea that a relationship had already developed. When I answered the door to introduce myself, I was shocked to see a 6'2" hunk of a man, who looked and dressed like a male model, and drove an expensive car. I was, frankly, jealous; but then I remembered that, although she is flirtatious, she has never cheated on me. The times she has been with another man were when I.
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