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I desperately need someone that I can establish an intimate emotional bond with and really be able to rely on so that I can surrender myself completely to them. I can give that person complete control over me, and let go of all the responsibilities in my emotional life. They can do anything they want to me or with me, Simon, but it's all about complete and absolute trust, like the trust I had with my grandmother. Then I can release all my inhibitions and be who I want to be."I stayed silent, knowing that there was more to come."Oh, Simon, I feel so lost. I just don't know what to do. I sort of trusted Sheldon, but the cult was so wicked, so decadent that I became addicted to it and its activities. At a deeper level, though, I still felt incomplete. There was no real personal bond, no individual that I could completely relate to and trust to give me what I so needed. After the cult dissolved, I tried to hide behind this disguise of propriety, religion and respectability, but it hasn't. When I told her I was on my way early, she said, "have fun, drink a few beers before I get there with all these whinny k**s, I'll call my parents and let them know you are on your way." And that was how we left it. She was going to call her mom and tell her I would be there soon. But I guess after we hung up, she got busy with something and totally forgot to call her parents. This wouldn't have been a big deal, usually. I had a key and if they happened to be out shopping or something it was no big deal. They knew I was coming that night anyway. But as luck would have it, they must have been feeling a bit naughty that day. When I arrived, their car was in the driveway. So I knew they were home, and had assumed they knew I was arriving. The door was unlocked and I let myself in. I stopped at the fridge to grab myself a beer and then headed through the family room towards the porch area. And that is when I saw it. I stopped dead in my tracks, as I peered out the window in front of me to.
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