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I think it was because my randy husband demanded I be ready to bend over night or day and refused to spend the money for a dishwasher machine or even a dryer to make it easier for me to dry the clothes for five people. I was constantly on the go and the pills I was taking for my medical condition acted just like "speed" to keep me jittery and nervous and with very little appetite for regular food.This time I put my hair up in a ponytail and even wore my daughter's smiley face panties under the schoolgirl uniform skirt hoping that my subterfuge would not be questioned. It was the wife that answered the door and I could see she was giving me the once over because she probably suspected on some level that I was older than her and that just didn't seem right. I kept my answers short and sweet and concentrated on chewing my bubble gum like a cow with a cud and nothing on my mind except counting the money when the assignment was over. She disappeared in a hurry because she needed to repair. Anyway I ignored all the signs being overly sensitive for a boy It should of clicked when I was diagnosed with disphoria. I knew I liked being girly but I really thought all teen age boys were like me. Always being a pretty-boy girls always came my way but they all end the same I get hurt because just like a girl I lack self esteem and I'm not controlling enough. Also I lack the testosterone to compete with other Men and now that older and I realized that I'm terrified of women. And eventhough Ive had some gay experiments I thought I was straight Men were not that attractive too me, until I was incarcerated for a couple of months and I saw this beautiful young Latin guy taking a shower I guess I never saw a Man totally naked his skin was so dark and smooth his butt was perfect I trembled and came without even touching myself. Needless to Say I tried to see everytimoe he was naked as well as half dozen hot Men in there. After that I wanted a Man not a blow job but I want love to.
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