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Two women walk past and one shouts “if you were a gentleman you would lift your hat to a lady!” The bloke replies “if you weren’t so ugly the hat would lift itself!”Me: “I can’t believe they’re back together after all that shit”. Wife: “Who?” Me: “My arse cheeks”“So let me get this straight” the prosecutor says to the defendant. “You came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man”. “That’s correct” says the defendant. “Upon which” continues the prosecutor “you take out a pistol and shot your wife, killing her”. “That’s correct” says the defendant. “Then my question to you is - why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?” asked the prosecutor. “It seemed easier” replied the defendant “than shooting a different man every day!”My wife came back from work yesterday and yelled at me “All my friends’ husbands have bought an original pink and brown Juicy handbag!” I replied with a wink “Okay love, but tonight you’ll have to provide some pink and brown for me”. I. "We might as well start now."I pulled out the new driver I had bought in August and teed up my first shot of the New Year. We hadn't played much in the last six weeks, but as luck would have it, my drive was fairly straight and as long as I could expect in the cold, damp air.Al stepped up and smacked one of his patented low drives down the right side, watching it draw into the right center of the fairway. Exactly where you would want to be to set up your second shot. I envied his ability to control his shots like that. My main ambition was to have it end up on the short grass.We played as a twosome, and we were done in a little over three-and-a-half hours. It was cold and raw that day and I'm sure that shortened up my backswing. Not a bad thing. I shot a respectable 92, while Al took advantage of the soft greens and shot a very good 77, right on his handicap. We retired to the lounge to have a drink and a sandwich before heading home."I have a favour to ask," Al said as we finished.
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