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I put Randi's story down so that I could get up and go for a walk. It had given me much to think about. Certainly she had told me that she'd had trouble and been the cause of much pain. I hadn't believed her though. Now, I had questions, some for Randi, but more for myself. I headed out to the walking path. On the way I made a short detour through the women's barracks. I didn't really want to talk to anyone, but knew that the only way the women who hadn't been chosen yet as concubines would become members of our community was if they were encouraged to see us in a way that wasn't adversarial.As I walked through our small community, I mulled over what I had learned so far. I asked myself if I wanted to continue to write about my past. I knew I didn't want to do that. Yet as I thought about it I knew that I needed to do it in order to get past some of the hurts; to properly salve and heal my wounds. I paused to stretch and pulled the first horrid thing from my memory. I realized that my. I laughed a little, ‘That’s cool, I won’t tell.’ My eyes found there way to his crotch. I could see no buldge or anything, just dark blue short shorts. He noticed, and placed his hand over the front of his shorts, ‘what?’ he asked, a little embarrassed. ‘Its just that I can’t see a buldge. If I was wearing shorts like that, my pice would be falling out,’ I said. He looked at me, and smiled, ‘Well, the thong puts a lot of pressure on you, it keeps you tucked in good. Do you want to see?’ he asked, then said, ‘You wouldn’t want to see, I keep forgetting you aren’t a gay or a CD. I’ve never met a straight who is so interested in things like that.’ Secretly, I kind of did want to see. Not in a gay way, but I was truly interested in how he did it. It would be embarrassing for me to say yes, and then to be refused. I decided to just go for it, and see what happeneds. ‘Well, I would, but it would look weird if me and you walked into the guys or the girls. You look so much like a girl, and I.
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