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.. well, any of it ... that was, technically, a lie. I should instead say probably a lie, as for obvious reasons I’ve tried to forget the details. For me, though, none of those lies were actually lies, because in my heart, only moments that I’ve chosen matter. That those milestones were taken from me, at some earlier date but against my will, is irrelevant.“Despite what happened to me, I’ve managed to live a largely trauma-free and extremely rewarding sexual life, and though I’m immensely grateful to a long procession of therapists and caring lovers for that, I mostly credit my own strength ... both during the abuse and in the long aftermath. But dominance and submission ... in fact, all my BDSM- or fetish- or kink-related interests ... have been a much more difficult path for me to navigate.”“The thing is, choosing between one sexual act or another is, for me, a choice between equals. If there’s a specific thing my partner doesn’t enjoy, I’m content as long as there are enough. I still didn’t have the courage to talk to her much but somehow towards the journeys end we became good buddies and I regretted thinking so many dirty things about her. After we arrived at the destination I didn’t get to see her much and was busy with my other cousins and uncles and all the relatives. We all had a great time catching up and chatting, and all were tired pretty early, tomorrow was the marriage ceremony so everybody was to go to bed at around 9. All the kids were given a hall where beds were put on the ground and blankets were given, I was a bit late and when I reached all the places were almost occupied except for a small space on the furthest side. I walked there and lay down and pulled the blanket of the one beside me as there were none left. As I looked at my partner, fuck, it was my beautiful cute cousin; all the dirty thoughts came pouring in at once. She half opened her eyes saw me and gave a smile and slept but I knew now I won’t be able to sleep, I had to do.
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