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That’s how I’d felt. Lost in a world in which I’d just let myself… go. But I looked back up to the village and it came back to me that it wasn’t reality. It wasn’t the familiar, the real. I wanted to feel the comfortable distaste inside me that had been ingrown all along for outsiders. For Lynn’s… kind. I gripped Lynn’s side, and she turned back to look at me. She was smiling. It startled me – made me feel like I’d just insulted her by having a frown on my face. Insulted myself. Deeply. Why was she smiling? My mind whirled on the question and I gritted my teeth, almost to a snarl – I didn’t like feeling like that. And she needed to wipe the smile off her face. Everyone would know. And then… I kicked the horse forward – holding Lynn a bit more roughly. She turned and moved away from my hands a little bit, but I pulled her back against me. I could almost feel her smile fade from her – even though I didn’t see her face. ‘Better’, I thought, sniffing gruffly. ‘I’m not gonna have either. My brother Brian had just turned 18 but was going on 40. He finished up High School early and started taking classes at the local college in the fall. He is a good kid as far as brothers were concerned, but he always tried to get into my friends pants. I couldn’t blame him because my friends were really hot. I picked up the phone and dialed my mother’s house. “Hey ma.” I said into the receiver. “Johanna, the girl I work with, and I are coming up to visit.” I pulled the phone away from my ear while my mother let out a joyful scream. Jo looked over and laughed making circles next to my ear indicating my mother had lost it. “Okay ma, okay. We are leaving this afternoon sometime, and we should be there by five or six.” A pause. “Okay. Okay. Uh-huh. Yup. We will. Okay. I will. Bye. I love you too. Bye.” I hung up the phone. “Well, she’s excited.” Jo said from across the room. “Yeah. She can’t wait to meet you. Says she’s making ‘sgetti and meatballs for dinner. My mouth is watering.
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